


The Science of the Cat Language

by Mafief



Category: Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: Cat Language, Community: holmes_minor, Established Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Fluff and Humor, It's For a Case, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 16:22:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12172467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mafief/pseuds/Mafief
Summary: Holmes teaches Watson how to speak cat.





	The Science of the Cat Language

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [猫语的科学](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12342312) by [cindyzhao100](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cindyzhao100/pseuds/cindyzhao100)



> I came across [Pussy and Her Language](https://archive.org/stream/pussyherlanguage00clar#page/n3/mode/2up/search/foot) by Marvin R. Clark. He invented a cat language. Note that the last one I changed the meaning for the sake of the story.
> 
> Written for the holmes_minor prompt: learning something new.

"What! No, Holmes, I'm not doing this," grumbled Watson. He was miserable and had no desire to do anything outside of mope. 

"It's for a case."

"How is learning to speak cat a case? Are you investigating cat burglars?"

Holmes frowned. "If it makes you uncomfortable, you can close the curtains and lock the door to preserve your honor."

Hesitating, Watson eventually did just that. Task completed, he returned to his chair and watched Holmes open a pamphlet. Holmes began, "Now repeat after me, _aliloo_."

"That's absurd. No self-respecting cat would ever say that."

"Not according to Mr. Clark. Ready? _Aliloo_."

"Fine, _alialioo_."

"No, only one _ali_. _Aliloo_."

" _Aliloo_. Now what did I just say?"

"Water. _aelio_ is food."

" _Aelio_. Food. Got it. If I was a cat, and my human understood me, I wouldn't starve."

"Next is _mieouw_."

" _Mieouw_. That sounds more cat like than _aliloo_." 

"True. That means ‘here’. Part of the cat's language is expressed through their body. Observe the difference when I say _mieouw_ sitting down compared to when change positions."

Watson sat stunned as his friend stood to full height, tossed his head back and puffed out his chest before he cocked his head to the side and landed his piercing eyes on him. " _Mieouw_."

"Umm, yes that changes it," said Watson shifting in his chair. "I haven't seen a cat stand like that though, more like a peacock."

Deflating back to the familiar consulting detective pose, Holmes said "Onto the floor we go," as he sat on his heals like some gigantic feline.

"We? You are not serious."

"Yes 'we' and I'm seriously attempting to teach you cat. Part of the lesson includes moving. Now onto the rug you go. _Mieouw_ ," said Holmes patting the rug in front of him. 

Giving over to the absurdity of the situation, Watson sat on his heals across from the great detective who was heading straight for Bedlam if he kept this up. 

"No, that will bother your leg in that position. Curl up on your side here."

Watson did as was requested of him. Holmes followed and laid on his back with his head near Watson’s chest. 

"Next lesson, Watson. Some cats have French accents. Take _purrieu_. In French, the guttural R sound like a purring cat."

" _Purrieu_ meaning?"

Holmes moved forward into Watson's chest before he said, "Contentment."

"Of course," said Watson as he draped his arm over his friend's chest. "Has my lesson ended?"

"One more, _lahle_."

"Meaning?"

"Bed."

"You went to all of that trouble to ask me to come to bed? You could have just asked."

Holmes nuzzled in deeper breathing in the warmth and the distinctly Watson scent. "True, but where would be the fun in that? Well, my case is solved."

"What case? Making me do ridiculous things for no point?"

"No, trying to relax you. You've been tense for days. A stressed Watson makes a terrible bedmate." Holmes said with a grin which was returned by a well-deserved, playful swat.


End file.
